年初九，交Thesis

 

年初九，终于把论文交到Exam Officer, that means 我现在真的是可以等毕业了。

四年的心血，这四年走得不易，

偶尔会有self doubt,觉得自己很笨，

但拿到results的时候，paper被人认同的时候，

那份满足感是之前在工作上没有感受过的。

没有走过此路的人，永远不会明白这条路的甜酸苦辣。

我也希望在业界的专业人士，可以尊重我们这些在学术界的，

不要老是觉得我们是活在另一个星球的人。

没有学术上不断的研究新技术，哪有业界用的best practices and methods.

做研究是份终身事业。

Park Funk - Pre PhD Thesis Submission

I can feel the stress piling up in head prior to the thesis...... Honestly, free style dancing is a way to go :)

Another PhD Day

Writing with a glass of wine. It helps to calm down the agitated and over complicated thinking process though.

Personal Best and PhD

Best thing comes when you least expecting it! 

And using my personal best achievement to motivate myself for the PhD!

Hang on and Keep Going

Life could be tough sometimes, both academically and emotionally, but this is not going to be like this forever. This is just one of those moments when anxiety, fear, regret and all other negative emotions you could possibly think of kick in. Pressure from finishing the PhD, meeting the right person and settling down etc. There are doubts here and there, questioning if you are making a right decision on things, questioning how things would be giving more patience.

Staying focus, focus what I can and leave the negative emotions aside is the key. Let go the bad experiences in the past. Start to believe good things will happen. It is okay to be rude rude or mean sometimes, it is not wrong to focus on yourself and not getting hurt again.  

Listen to your heart more, love yourself more! Hang On and Keep Going!

Thomas Cup 2014 & my PhD

Although Malaysia has to stay number two in Thomas Cup 2014, again, I would like to congratulate the Malaysian players for making that far in the competition. I am proud of our Malaysian players! #MalaysiaBoleh . I always believe we can make it one day. On the other note, what I really see from the Japanese players is they are really determined and stayed focus to win the competition. They never miss a chance to score a point, they tried their very best to pick up every single serve, and they didn't really lose point on not picking a thought-to-be outside serve. 

The determination of the Japanese really motivates me in working on my PhD research and also the post-PhD life. Honestly, I have slightly lost my confidence after the annual presentation. I find that my work is not as solid as I thought it would be, hence I lost focus and feeling a bit depressed. However, what I realise it as long as I don't give up and keep staying focus, and I would be able to complete my PhD degree in time. It depends on how much I want to complete in time, how much I really dare to dream about the post-PhD life. Therefore, my reflections are, if I bloody seriously want the PhD that much:

1. Dare to set a finish date for the PhD

2. Dare to plan the activities (do whatever to freaking finish the bloody PhD)

3. Dare to accept the constructive feedback or sometimes not really conveyed in a nice way 

4. Dare to write even though it may be a rubbish draft at the beginning

5. Dare to spend time doing something outside the PhD that you like

All and all, just bloody Stay Focus, Keep Calm and Get Going!

Last PhD Annual Presentation

This could be my last PhD annual presentation in BISA (Business Informatics, Systems and Accounting) in the Henley Business School, University of Reading. In fact, this is one of the best PhD annual presentations I ever attended. I love the interaction between the informatics and accounting students during the Q&A session. The attendance was great! The school has expanded so much compare to a few years ago, when I did my MSc here. Now we have both informatics and accounting disciplines sitting under one roof.

Some reflections are:
1. Be careful with the flow of the presentation slides, make sure it is logical
2. Don’t use big terminologies that you are not fully confident with
3. Pay attention to details, don’t think the assessor won’t pick on the citations and references
4. Try to avoid terminology like ‘prove’ as there is no absolute truth in scientific inquiry whether you are a positivist or interpretivist
5. Learn from others although their research is not related to yours. You never know when the theories they use may appeal to you one day

I did feel a little bit emotional after the annual presentation, as my time is almost up. And finger crossed, hopefully to submit by end of this year!

What I am doing?

‘The more I read, the more I confuse, the more I feel like banging my head to the wall?’ This is the comment I got from most of the first year PhD students in my department. Is it really that bad doing a PhD? 

Okie, I’d share you my view on this. It is the sixth month I am doing my PhD, I do confusing or conflicting myself most of the time. Especially there are zillion possibilities in research. Especially I am doing social science research, and the ‘experiment’ is not something I can see or grab. Well, experiment is one of the qualitative methods though. I have to use loads of imagination and think how they could work together. Or I should imagine each contributing element is an atom, when atom combines with another atom or molecule, what happens? Set theory and Aristotle’s syllogism guide my way of thinking a lot. Still, you know…’what am I doing?’ is the last thing I usually ask myself after all the literature. 

Sometimes I can produce more words, sometimes zero (ssshh, don’t tell my supervisor). Sometimes I would just stare at the screen and have my brain somewhere else thinking sub research topic, day dreaming. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep, as I wish that if I don’t sleep, then tomorrow will never come, and again, what am I doing? 

I am almost approaching to the next stage in my life. Most of my friends have married, settle down with their loves one, became parents, owned assets and properties..and ME? Still hanging around, reading, writing, uncertain future.. what am I doing? 

I have recently watched a film talking about our life as a PhD. I can feel the movie completely… I feel like I am Cecilia in the movie, what am I doing? 

Have also recently attending Chair / Reader / lecturership presentation …Basically these people (Drs, Profs, etc) come in pitching for a job position. It has truly widen my knowledge on what the academic industry is about… I am getting there to know what am I doing… 

I think I know what I am doing. I am doing a PhD which provides me the highest level of freedom and space to think in my way and produce something that contributes to knowledge in my way. If you are intrigued about most stuff you see in life, doing a PhD probably is best. I am not those ambitious people, ie: creating a brand new paradigm, developing new theory, creating a new product or a god, or a philanthropist.. I just want to fully utilise my three years to contribute to the society for a better life. Perhaps a tiny weeny piece of work of mine will help changing something in the world in a few, ten, twenty years’ time? 

PS: I am tapping hard on the keyboard, people may think that I am busy writing up..haha… I do busy writing up, but writing up a blog post…lol

The start of my PhD

It is indeed my fifth month doing a PhD. I have always wanted to write about my reflection over these five months. This blog post has been saved as a draft for a couple of weeks. I am very glad that I finally have the chance to complete it.

Doing a PhD is totally a different paradigm compare with my working life in the past. The thing with doing a PhD is that it is not a nine to five matters (Liu, 2012). It is a continuous thinking process. In order to complete in three years in a full time basis, I know that I have to give more. I used to have two days for my weekend when I was at work, now, am still trying to take two days off, however, most of the time, ill start doing my prep work on Sunday. In addition, working from 9 – 8 is no longer unusual as I need more time to clear the academic and business as usual (BAU) work. The BAUs include the student Rep responsibilities (i.e. organising social activities, workshops, etc), teaching assistant (slides prep, teaching, marking essays etc), co supervising MSc students, meetings with other PhD for the collaborative academic work etc. I know life has changed. But it is a good change. Nothing comes easy, I always tell myself that if I can survive in these three years, I will be able to achieve more in future.

My desk for the next three years

After five months going through the literature, I realised that actually I really like reading / knowing things that related to philosophy, mathematics and logic. I believe that all inventions in the world have the philosophical thinking / theoretical background behind. And in order to develop it into something that people can use (practical), here comes science to play the role. Something will not be called as science if there is no mathematics foundation.

I especially like the Syllogism from Aristotle, the great ancient Greek philosopher. I think it is one of the best ways in developing a hypothesis. For example:

All mortals die

Some men are mortals

Some men die

In fact, we are making hypothesis by applying syllogism in our daily life whenever we are trying to make judgement or decisions :)

Doing a PhD is giving me a chance to think or research things that I really like to do. I wouldn’t want to be a great philosopher or mathematician or a logician, but I do hope to use my practical / tacit knowledge, incorporate with those great philosophical, mathematical and logical literature, to invent something in my research area so people can use it in the future.

Another thing is I like writing since I was a child. I like to note down how I feel, what I think although most of the times people don’t really getting my message. Still, I do what I like to do. Writing is a core part in a PhD process. It is about capturing my thought process, I guess. After I read, I write down a small bit of my reflection towards the literature I have reviewed. Although English is not my first language, still I think I can develop the English writing skills from time to time.

In addition, these five months is another reflection on me, what is my core strength, what I need to improve, what I can do the most by using my strength. I am lost in the past, especially after a big slump in my mid twenties. Things weren’t good since then. It was indeed the toughest challenge so far. However, I wouldn’t grieve too much about it. Taking it positively, I have learned a great lesson that formulates a better me. It indeed takes me to my current position.

I am very glad that being given the PhD opportunity from my Prof. I know there are still much more to learn from him and the team. I’ll always remember what he says to me ‘My philosophy is I will push you as much as I could. You are like a string, Ill keep stretching you as I know you haven’t snapped yet’. On the other hand, I know I wouldn’t let myself snap easily as I love what I do (Jobs, 2011).

I feel thankful to have a lovely mommy, also my best friend. She is my number one fan in being interested all the time about my research. Sometimes I like to share her about my thought, although I know she wouldn't be able to understand them all, still she is listening attentively. Thanks mom! I heart you :)